


Some Traditions Are Made to be Broken

by Marta_TP



Series: Cophine Holidays [3]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, New Year's Eve, just some fluff, might get some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5546933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marta_TP/pseuds/Marta_TP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cophine New Year's Special! Cosima and Delphine had been friends for years... (yeah... I don't want to give too much on the summary and you know how I am allergic to them). Two part story. Rating might change, still not sure but thought I should give you a heads-up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! So I've made some promises about adding a chapter to the Christmas story I published last year and I did start it, but somehow I just couldn't find the right tone to continue it (does that make any sense to you?)  
> However, and to make up for it, I am gonna post a 2 part New Year's special; this being the first and the next one will come out sometime next week, not sure if before or after new year's, but it will be pretty close.  
> This work is not beta'd, the (probably many) mistakes are all my doing…  
> Thanks for reading!

As I grew older I've come to notice that life is actually made of little rituals that, while they're not meant to save our lives, they do help in giving us the illusion that things are under our control, when, in fact, we can control very little around us. Of course that doesn't stop all of us to give our best to maintain that illusion. Now, I'm not saying that is a bad thing: truth is, some of those rituals exist to comfort us, put some order in our lives, especially when we most need it they can serve as a welcome refuge.

Maybe that's the reason why I am, for the first time ever, really observing the collection of pictures on the wall in front of me, even though I've spent many hours in this room. I smile, my hand moving forward to reach the first photograph of the two neatly lined rows. There I am, five years old, my hair a cascade of wild curls, the hard work my _maman_ had put into tame it meant nothing after spending not three minutes with the exuberant young girl. Cosima's smile hasn't changed in all these years, wide open and honest, the tip of her tongue peeking between her teeth are proof enough that even then she had some sort of impish charm, the bright glint in her eyes, still visible in the old polaroid just served to stack up the evidences. She's holding me from behind, her arms firmly wrapped around my shoulders and I still can hear her next to my ear " _you have like… really long arms, you should take the picture_ ". She'd put the thing in my hands and waited for the blinding flash. In the picture I look a little confused and overwhelmed, but I had tried to smile.

That was the first of now sixteen and counting, all pinned to the wall of Cosima's bedroom. As me eyes move along them I see us growing up, the same pose, over and over again, Cosima behind me, fighting against my hair to be able to fit on the photograph, sometimes with better success than others, but always smiling that ridiculous cute smile of hers. I'm sure some of these could've come out better if she didn't insist on us doing it just once, no matter the result. Every year since we've met, the first thing we do after countdown. It had been her idea, of course, but I believe that when we started to do it, not even Cosima could predict this would become our own special little ritual. It was something we've never really talked about, it just kept happening and another photograph was added to the wall. In fact, for the countless themes we've discussed over the years, the context of our friendship was never approached, it was something that grew naturally, effortlessly.

When Cosima showed up at our doorstep and invited me and my mother to celebrate New Year's with her family, I could hardly understand a word that was rapidly fired from the little girl's mouth, energetically balancing between each feet, as if stopping was dramatically impossible. We'd moved to the States only two months before and the grasp of the language still escaped me, her quick speech not providing any help to understand even the few basics I had learned so far.

My mother was thankful, of course and even if she'd put a bit of a fight, I could tell she was pleased to have someone else to celebrate with other than me. I had been happy about it as well, more for her than for myself. I just recall being happy to see her smile reach her eyes again. The two of us alone was still something new and I think that have someone else gave her a sense of normalcy.

I had been too young to realize then how difficult the whole change had been on her, but I remembered how back in France our house was always filled with people, not only during special occasions, but throughout the year, at least once a month there was a special dinner. As I got older my mother kept filling the blanks of my memory with her own. My father was always big on entertaining people and my mother was the perfect partner for it. Perhaps that was the strongest reason behind my mother's need for such a drastic change of scenery: she probably found it too hard to keep sharing her space with memories that did nothing but tormented her. My parents might've had many things in common, but loyalty was not among them, since the concept seemed foreign to my father. But that I didn't learn until several years later, on one of my visits to him in France, when a nasty neighbour opened her big mouth thinking an eleven year old wouldn't understand the _obvious_ innuendos behind her words.

I never told my mother what I'd found out, but when I did I stop asking about _papa_ and it was her who brought him up, never with bitter words, she always seemed to have nice things to say about him: his charm, his sense of humour, his kind heart… In truth, my mother was never able to get over my father and as I analyze it now, with the conscience of an adult, us leaving was the best decision she made, not only for herself, but for me as well.

The Niehauses from across the street became sort of a second family to us and we began to share every special occasion with them. Despite being so different from us, with their modern hippie style, they did become the rock in our lives and I don't know if our adaptation to the new country and totally different culture would've been as smooth if they hadn't reached their hands to us, in the form of a little girl knocking on our door with a brilliant smile on her face.

During the years, Cosima had been the one constant in my life. In fact she was the perfect counterbalance: where I was shy, she filled the room with comfortable easiness; things that rattled me, made her grew more confident in herself; overcrowded places makes me nervous, but Cosima seems to evolve in them. Unlike me, her awkwardness had developed into a gravitational charm and I was just happy to follow behind her, always in her shadow. And while many people might have found it annoying, I was not so secretly thankful for it; it never bothered me being called _Cosima's friend_ , because that on itself was an absolute privilege. Not only that, the lack of spotlight in my person was something I enjoyed. Being on Cosima's shadow was never stifling, but comfortably warm and allowed me to watch her transform into the beautiful human being she is from the best seat in the house.

Besides, there were sides of Cosima she reserved to me alone. Very few people could see how vulnerable she could be, that behind all that bravado of hers there's a sensitive soul that could get bruised, sometimes too easily for her own good. I don't only consider her my best friend: she is my only true friend, the one I can go to no matter what and know that she won't judge me. Cosima's also the one I can count on to tell me the truth, independently of how much it hurts, she's not afraid to tell me what she thinks if she believes it will spare me pain in the future. Going to Cosima is my personal ritual, that while it might not save my life, it sure makes it a lot more bearable.

Which is why the last three months had been so hard on me. Both of us enrolled in Berkeley, but since the beginning of the new semestre attending different graduate programs I lost her constant presence and while at first I didn't think much of it, I now see that our routines had changed and we could no longer match our schedules to spend our free time together. It was easy on Cosima, even if she never mentioned it, I could see it. Contrary to me Cosima never had a problem about making new friends, in fitting in. People just like her company, they enjoy being with her, having her around. And why shouldn't them? Somehow she always ended up being the core of the group with effortless wits and crazy antics.

"Alright!" Her voice calls from the bedroom door. "How do I look?" She twirls around herself, showcasing the tight red dress she had been changing to in the bathroom.

My eyes inspect her attentively, taking in the petite form, noticing how the dress hugged her just in the right places. "Très belle…" I mumble after meeting her eyes and see an expectant expression on them.

"I was going for sexy," Cosima jokes, getting closer to me, "but I'll gladly take the _belle_ thing."

I hum, not sure how to respond to that, my stare watching her approach the wall with all the photographs. "I've already made room for next year's," she announces tapping a naked space on the wall. "See?"

"You sure you want to keep doing that?" I ask suddenly, my eyes going to the empty space where her hand is.

"What?" Cosima says loud. "Of course I do! Where does that come from?" And I know her long enough to notice when she's getting hurt.

I turn in her direction and look her in the eyes with a soft stare, in an attempt to appease her. "I don't want you to think you have to do this," I explain.

She gives a small sigh. "I know I don't _have_ to do this, but I want to!"

"I know you have your friends waiting for you, Cosima," I give a little step back and reach for the same polaroid camera that took the first and all other photographs. "It's silly to wait until midnight to take the picture. We can take it now and you're free to leave."

Cosima moves to sit on the bed and extends her hand for the camera. "No, we can't!" She says determined, placing the device on her nightstand. "It has to be _after_ midnight."

"So…" I shrug with my eyes down on hers. "What difference will it make a few hours?"

"This is our thing, Delphine! The first pic of the year," she says with a slight edge, scootching more to the center of the bed, crossing her legs carelessly, the hands coming forward to grab her ankles and preventing the vista from becoming less innocent.

I feel my cheeks burning and turn around. It's stupid; we've changed in the same room countless times, there's no reason for me to feel so self-conscious about Cosima. Except, there is.

I've known it for a while, some years even. But was always able to swallow it down. It was a long process though, to become comfortable with it, with who I am, made even worse for the fact that I couldn't count on my best friend for help. Cosima didn't know what was happening until I've gathered the courage to tell her I wanted to date women. At first she thought I was joking, but when it didn't go away, she offered to escort me to a few places where I could meet _ladies who love ladies_ , as she'd put it. For all the intuition she has, this went right by her head and that was the sign I needed to know that, in order to avoid some heavy heartbreaking, I needed to think outside the box - or better, outside Cosima. I've dated a few girls and it was nice and all, finally starting to feel comfortable about myself, but, of course, there was always something amiss. As far as I can tell, Cosima remains completely ignorant about why I just can't seem to be able to keep a steady relationship.

"What is this really about?" She asks in a low voice.

I shrug again, still avoiding to turn around and look at her. "I just don't want you to feel obligated to wait until midnight to join your friends at the club," I say quickly. "I know you like the parties and there's no good reason for you to have to spend New Year's with our parents at home."

"I can go to _the parties_ all year long," she's on the move, I can hear her getting up from the bed. "This one is special."

"My point exactly!" I say, turning around and finding her close to me. "Why wouldn't you want to spend it with your friends?"

"You're my friend, Delphine." Cosima's eyes are soft, but there's a little glint on them as she reaches for one of my hands and covers it with her own. "Why wouldn't I want to spend it with you?"

I look away from her, scared that my feeling will pour out of my mouth if I keep my eyes on her. They land on the pictures pinned to the wall, the two of us staring back at me with silly smiles, even on the one when we're 17 and Cosima went through her _rebel phase_ and the dreads and the pierced nose appearing for the first time.

"We're not the same girls we were in there," it's what I answer, my eyes steady on the wall.

She looks at it as well and then back at me, where my eyes are waiting for hers. "No," she concedes, shaking her head, "we're not. We've changed every year, Delphine, but that was never a reason to stop doing that. In fact, it's another reason to continue to do it."  
"Why?" I knit my brows in confusion.

"Shit, Delphine!" She says loud, her hands releasing mine and flying through the air, as she starts to pace back and forth. "Because I like it! Because I like to have something to expect every New Year's! Because lately too many things have changed and I want to believe that there's at least one thing that will remain the same…" Her voice's losing strength during the speech, her pacing slowing down and when she finishes her voice is so low that I can barely hear it.

"You don't want things to change?" I ask, unsure if I should feel relieved or devastated.

She shakes her head again. "Not like this," and she remains soft. "I… I've missed you," Cosima says with her head dipped low, preventing me to see her expression.

I open my eyes wide. "You… you did?" I ask slowly.

Cosima looks up and she has a small grin on her lips. "Yeah… of course!" Her tone more joyful. "You're my best friend."

My heart sinks and I give a couple of steps back, the distance helping me think more clearly. "Right…" I whisper, moving to the door, my hand already set on the handle.

"Wait, Delphine!" She strides behind me and I feel her body brushing against mine. "Did I say something wrong?"

I chuckle sadly. "No, Cosima, you didn't say something wrong," I move my head to stare at her confused face. "You never do."

"Why do I feel like I'm missing something?" She comments, adoringly adjusting the eyeglasses on the bridge of her nose as she wrinkles it.

I can't help but bring both my hands to cover her cheeks. "Oh Cosima… how can you not see it?"

"See what?" She asks, her bright eyes steady on mine, searching for answers.

I open my mouth even before I know what I'm going to say, but am save by a knock on the door just behind me, "girls, dinner's ready!" Cosima's father calls from the other side.

I take the chance that she got distracted to escape through the door, but not before I can hear her whining, "C'mon, Delphine… see what?"

I only turn back on the hallway to pull her by the hand with a playful tug and drag her downstairs where our parents are already moving to sit at the table.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, here's the thing... there will be a part 3, because as someone pointed out, I'm rather terrible at planing my stories. But I have a very reasonable explanation: as you can see this chapter is big already and I think if I posted everything I have left it would come out as a very very long chapter. So there you go. But part III will defiantly be the last and will be up either tomorrow or Saturday.
> 
> Once more thanks for reading and all the lovely feedback I got (don't mean I don't want more ahahahhaha)

I sit at the round table between Cosima and my mother, who watches me with an uneasy stare, probably sensing the turmoil inside my head. I look back at her and give her a weak smile, unsure if it's convincing enough to keep her from asking questions. She doesn't, but her hand goes to the shoulder that's closer to her and she squeezes it gently, an encouraging smile on her lips that I try to return.

I suspect she knows. In fact, the first time I've gathered the gut to tell her, instead of the freaking out like I was expecting, my mother had simply raised her brow, her stare serene on mine and with a very calm voice she had asked: "c'est Cosima, non?" To say I was shocked it's an understatement. I gave an awkward laugh and shook my head vigorously, "non… Non!" My mother nodded and didn't push for an honest answer, she didn't need to. I was always terrible at keeping things from her and she'd always been extremely good at reading my humour, which made for a big disadvantage for me. However, she never explored it for any other profit but showing her support and the fact that Cosima never seemed to have any problem in finding boyfriends was an assurance that she wouldn't make any more comments regarding the nature of the relationship between Cosima and I.

I look in my friend's direction and find her staring at me with a curious gaze, probably ruminating about what just happened in her bedroom. I never felt our interactions as strained as I do now, maybe she's realizing the reasons behind my actions, why I acted in a way I never did before. Perhaps she's finally realizing that, while I do enjoy our friendship and rather live with only that than without her in my life, it's not all I want. _Damn it!_ I shouldn't have left things the way I did - or better yet, I shouldn't have let myself be guided by my emotions the way I did.

We've survived so many years this way; there's no reason we can't carry on the same way. I got so used to have that part of myself contained around her that I can hardly feel it anymore. It, too, has become a part of me. Abandon it now may cause devastating consequences. I don't want to drive Cosima away just because she thinks I can no longer act like I always did with her. I've done so well so far. Swallowed my feelings when I helped her pick up the clothes for her to take on her first _real_ date, even if then I wasn't sure why there was a lump trapped in my throat. Heard her speak with disappointment about her _first time_ : "aren't we supposed to see stars and shit like that?" and all the while kept to myself what was really going through my mind. I smiled as I saw her climb down the stairs in a gown, which her father had deemed too revealing - with my secret agreement -, before she left for the senior dance and watch her drive away with the same guy she kept complaining about, while I decided to stay home for reasons that, until this day, she really doesn't know.

Yes, I've done all that and never once complained, because there's a big difference between what I need and what I want. I want to be with her, really be with her. But I need a lot more for her to stay in my life and for our friendship to continue to be a very good reason to make me get out of bed in the bad days.

I really don't know what got into me to act the way I did. Maybe it's the result of not be able to spend so much time together as we used to and allowed me to step back and see into the future. I always knew, on some level, that there will come a time when I'd have to share her free time with other people, but that knowledge didn't in any way help me to be prepared for it. Or, perhaps, I've just reached the breaking point and realized that it's useless to be eternally waiting for her, waiting for Cosima to give a sign that, most likely, will never come. Who knows? Maybe it's a combination of both.

"Delphine?" Cosima elbows me in the ribs softly, demanding my attention.

I look around the table and find everyone staring in my direction. "Sorry…" I mumble.

"You've been distracted the entire dinner," Cosima's mother observes. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I… I'm sorry," I repeat. "I guess I'm just not feeling very festive today."

"You've been acting weird, alright," Cosima comments, eyeing me closely and I struggle to maintain an expressionless facade.

"I was asking why don't you go with Cosima," her father says. "I'm sure it's better than spending the night with us, old timers."

"They're Cosima's friends," I answer automatically.

"You know… if you come I can introduce you to them and then maybe they can become your friends as well," Cosima says in a playful tone something that's not new to me.

Several times she had insisted for me to join her and her friends in one of her nights out. I have accepted a few times, but every time I do I swear to myself to never do it again. My idea of a good time doesn't involve a crowded place with loud music and strangers brushing up against me, either accidentally or not so much. Nor does it include watching Cosima being approached by every other guy, who seems mesmerized by her quirky ways, and returning their smiles or accepting their invitations to dances that become a lot more intimate than I thought I could stomach.

Cosima's a social being, she thrives in those environments with the same strength that I contract. Even if in the nights I've caved and joined her, she came home alone with me, I don't need to use much imagination to know what happens in the nights she's not more concerned in making sure I have a good time, when she doesn't have to check up on me between dances to make sure I'm okay.

"I'll just be in your way," I answer with eyes low on my plate. "And besides, like I said, I'm not feeling very well. I think I'll just go to bed after midnight." I finish, bringing the fork to my mouth with a piece of the dessert.

"I'm sure Cosima will be happy to bring you along," Cosima's father encourages with a soft smile that's so much like his daughter's.

"Don't worry dad, I think I can find a way to convince her to come with me," Cosima says with confidence, as she gives a light squeeze on my arm.

And usually she'd be right. It never took much convincing for me to follow her if she put her mind to it. I do like her company more than anything and she doesn't need to be very persuasive to get her way. It's sort of her trademark, Cosima just has a way with people, she knows what to say, what to do to make everyone feel special. But that's just it: I know her, I know this is how she works, not only with me, but with everyone around her. She likes to have everyone happy and is glad to satisfy other people's requests. Which is exactly why I avoid going out with her. It's not her fault and it is selfish on my part in so many ways, but is it so wrong to want her to treat me a bit differently from everyone else? Is it truly selfish to wish for her to show me the same kind of preference I do for her?

"Maybe I just don't wanna go!" I blurt out fast and forcefully set the fork on the plate. "Maybe you should just understand that it's my decision to stay home on freaking New Year's and don't try to change my mind!"

"Delphine, dear…" I hear my mother as she places her hand on my shoulder and tries to bring me back to reason.

I calm down and look around the table to find every pair of eyes staring at me with surprised raised brows. "I… I'm sorry," I say low and swallow dryly. "I'm really not feeling…" I get up and take a deep breath. "I think I need to go."

"Delphine, what's wrong?" Cosima tugs at my hand, her expression more worried than confused.

_It's not her fault, it's not her fault, it's not her fault_ , I need to keep repeating in my mind. I shouldn't make her pay for something she can't control, that she doesn't even realizes she's doing. It's in her nature and it's one of the reasons I like her so much. So why is this upsetting me so much? Maybe there is something wrong with me today.

"It's okay…" Cosima's eyes remain on me softly, her hand still holding mine as she brushes her thumb over my knuckles in a gesture that's meant to be soothing but it's doing nothing to help in the matter. "You don't have to go. In fact, I'll stay home as well," she finishes with a decisive voice.

"Non!" I say quickly and pull my hand away from hers. "You need to go! Have some fun."

She's shaking her head the entire time, even if I can see a pained expression on her face from my brusque movement. "No, I don't need to go."

"But you _want_ to go," I say with the tone of my voice getting back to normal, suddenly realizing that we're still surrounded by our parents. "And you should! I doubt I'll be any fun."

"But…" Cosima's nothing if not persistent and the way she keeps pushing me is making me feel cornered.

"Maybe Delphine's right," my mother, sensing the state I'm in, decides to intervene. "You should go home and get some rest," she says to me, then her eyes move to the table and offers an explanation: "She's been complaining from an head ache since this morning."

"Then why didn't you just say so?" Cosima asks suspiciously.

"I didn't want to ruin the night," I reply fast. "I thought it would go away, but it just got worse."

While Cosima's parents show an understanding countenance, she continues to look unconvinced. She does know me better and it's not easy to fool her. However, right now, I can't seem to care if she believes me or not; I just really need to get away for a while, because if she continues to insist I might just crumble in front of everyone and that's something I really don't want to. Explain myself to Cosima would be hard enough without the added pressure of having her parents in the same room.

Space for now will be good, it will help me calm down, it will silence my mind for a bit. I step away from the table, not with a sudden movement like earlier, but with slow steps, I walk to the couch where I've left my coat and put it on.

"I'll get back before midnight, if I feel better," I announce, slipping on the coat and search my pockets for the phone. When I come up empty, I chance a look at Cosima, who has a sad expression, but I can't dwell on it now. I need to learn to stop putting her first and start to think about myself more often. "I left my phone in your bedroom," I say and she starts to get up. "No, stay! I'll get it."

Cosima sits back down, still staring at me, observing me with the same sadness, but she remains silent, the only indication that she's heard me is a slow nod, giving me permission to go get my phone. With no hurry, I go up the stairs and walk into her bedroom, intentionally avoiding the smiling faces looking back at me, perhaps afraid that instead of finding the familiar joyful expression, I'll be faced with accusatory glares, due to what I'm doing. I'm breaking tradition for purely selfish reasons. This year the space Cosima's left vacant will remain so. I have no intention of coming back for the simple fact that the cause of the way I'm feeling will not go away so easily.

Had I been in the right state of mind, I would think it over, reflect about the future consequences of my actions. However, at this point I'm guided by a sort of survivor instinct and have come to the conclusion that it's time for me to be a little selfish.

I spot the phone and put it in my pocket, quickly getting out of the bedroom and make my way downstairs. I stop by the dining room to thank the Niehauses for having me over, assure my mom that if I start to feel worse I'll let her know, but that for now I'll be alright on my own. In return she gives me a little smile and there's no doubt in my mind that my mother knows exactly what's wrong and she's covering for me. Cosima's stare I avoid, but even then I can feel her eyes following my every step, her brows frowned because this is something rather new to her. After I say goodbye I try to escape fast, but this seems too much of a stretch for her and Cosima insists on walking me to the door.

"I hope you feel better soon," she says when we're by the door. Her eyes steady on mine, probably trying to uncover the root of my weird mood.

I bite my lower lip and nod my head a few times, but don't say a thing because my voice will come out cracked and that would lead to more doubts on her part, to more questions that I don't want to answer. At my silence she lowers her head, a sure sign that she won't ask anything else and I can go.

I do. I leave and cross the small street between our two houses, open my door and, when I turn to close it, Cosima's still there, staring at me, like she usually does, except this time she doesn't have her huge grin, nor does she raises her hand to wave me goodbye, like it's her habit. I shut the door and lean on it, listening to the silence in the house, the tump-tump of my heart filling my ears and I take a moment to breathe deeply, waiting for the rhythm of my heart to slow down, kicking off my shoes.

In the living room the lights from the Christmas tree blinking call me there. I sit on the couch and pull the blanket to my legs, turning on the TV. The idea of going to bed doesn't sound appealing; if I lay down I'll start to overthink what transpired today and might regret it. So I stay there, find a channel I know won't make a big deal out of the turning of the calendar and settle in. It doesn't take too long before I raise my legs to the couch and get easily distracted by the numbing movie playing.

My heart jumps at the sound of a solo firework and I realize I must've dozed off. Reaching for the remote and pressing the button that shows the time on the screen, I notice that's five minutes before midnight. I suppose it was silly of me to think I could somehow ignore the fact that it's New Year's. I sigh and settle back down on the couch, getting mentally prepared for the inevitability that is the show of fireworks to take place within minutes.

However, just as I pull the cover to my chin, the bell rings causing my heart to jump again. Unsure of how to react, I don't get up, instead I reach for the curtain behind the couch and pull it slightly to the side, allowing me an unobstructed view to the front porch. Cosima must have noticed the little movement, because next thing I know, we're staring at each other and when I still don't get up, she walks to the window, the camera balancing on the fingers of her left hand that's wrapped around her torso, trying to warm herself, because of course she didn't bother to dress her coat, as the right rises to tap on the glass right in front of my face.

"Don't make me go ask your mother for the keys," she threatens with a fake scorn.

I breathe out and if I had any thoughts of turning her away, I cast them aside; I know she won't give up until I let her in. I push back the blanket and see Cosima grinning triumphantly before she walks back to the door.

"Are you feeling any better?" She asks as soon as I open the door and immediately feel guilty for lying to her.

I nod and watch her get in. "Much! I think I slept a little," I answer her with an hoarse voice that I clear.

"Good!" Cosima's smile grows. "Cause we have some business to attend to," she says, raising the camera in her hand.

My eyes go to it and I raise my brow. "I thought you'd be with your friends by now," I comment lowly.

"Funny… I thought I _was_ with a friend." And there it is, the little edge to her voice that she doesn't bother to mask.

Maybe I'm being too abrupt with her, my actions may be causing her to think something that couldn't be further from the truth. "I…" I sigh deeply and shake my head. "You are, but I thought…"

"Delphine, I don't understand," Cosima cuts me off, placing the camera on the small table we have by the door. "What did I do that lead you to believe I rather spend New Year's with other people?"

That's just it, isn't it? She did nothing. There's nothing that changed, at least not to her. This is all me, all my insecurities showing their ugliest face, all my doubts coming to the surface, all the years I've spent ignoring what I feel finally boiling over.

"Nothing," I admit, shaking my head.

"Then what?" She pushes a little louder. "What makes you think that all of the sudden other people are more important than you?"

I shrug and keep dodging her stare. Cosima's too close to allow me to continue finding rational explanations for the way I'm acting, it's impossible to lie to her when there's nowhere to look but her face; her adorable face that I've grown so fond of, with her easy smile and constantly searching eyes, always with a glint of mischievousness that now, however, it's absent. I've never seen her in such state of distress and it hits me hard that I'm the one who caused it.

"I'm sorry, Cosima," I say heartedly, because I am, truly, deeply sorry, but not from what she's probably assuming. "I was just…" I stop and shake my head again. "I don't know," I dismiss it and move my hand for the camera. "Let's just get ready for the picture."

But her hand flies to cover my own and bring it between us even before I reach the device. Surprised, I look at her with a questioning gaze.

"I think you're lying," she accuses and I remain quiet, so not to jump to conclusions. "I think you do know," Cosima continues, her hand on mine gives a light squeeze. "And I think it has something to do with what you said earlier, about something I wasn't seeing."

I'm speechless, afraid that if I speak it will be to spill out the truth. I stare down to our weakly linked hands, nervously biting my lower lip.

"Delphine…" Cosima calls lowly, but my gaze continues stubbornly away from hers. "What's really going on? Why are you acting like this?" Her voice gains a pleading note as she struggles to understand what's happening and pushes for a reasonable explanation. "I mean… you were always sorta moody, but this? It's like you're trying to push me away…" She stops suddenly and takes a deep breath. "Unless…" she says slowly, thoughtfully and I venture a look at her, Cosima's eyes moving over my features in a scrutinizing way, "do you like… want me to step back? Am I… I dunno… like in the way of…"

I don't even let her finish, because if I am to wait for her to figure it out on her own we'd still be here a year from now. In a blink of an eye our lips are touching, there's no other intention behind it other than make Cosima stop with her wrong assumptions and to just clear things between us, once and for all. _Screw consequences!_ Cosima needs to know! This is a burden I can't carry by myself any longer.

But she doesn't move. As I kiss her, Cosima seems to be frozen in place, the soft flesh of her lips still and her hand releases its hold on mine between our bodies. The moment I feel her hand slipping away, I start to panic. This was a huge mistake, I should've just told her and let Cosima decide how to deal with it. It's a head filled with doubts that leads me to pull away as fast as I brought us together and give a small step back, allowing me space to carefully look down at Cosima.

I expected to see the surprise I felt written on her face, perhaps with wide open eyes and mouth agape in shock. I didn't expect to be faced with Cosima's eyes still closed, her head slightly tilted upwards in my direction and the corners of her lips curled up in the smallest of smiles. I couldn't guess that after ten seconds of pulling us apart and staring at her, I would see her smile grow and hear Cosima whisper a "wow". Yet, that's exactly the reaction I got from her.

With my eyes trained on her and with my lower lip secure between my teeth, I watch her slowly open her eyes and focus on me, the grin narrowing a little as she takes me in and then her expression becoming rather confused.

"Delphine, I…" she starts softly, stopping to take a shaky breath. "I had no idea…" Cosima finishes shaking her head.

My nervousness manifests itself through an awkward chuckle. "How could you not?"

She smiles again. "You said you wanted to date women…" and after this she starts to laugh, her hands gaining life and moving wildly between us. "I thought you meant you wanted to see _other_ women… you know… that I was crimping your style or whatever and… like… give you some space to explore and shit…" she explains between soft laughs.

I'm shaking my head, smiling at her weird assumptions and raise my hands to the side of her neck, my thumbs encouraging her to look at me. "Non. It's…" I stop, the nervous habit of bitting my lips making a quick presence, before I decide to just go for it. "It's you I want… It has always been you." I don't know how these words come out in a steady voice, maybe it's because it's the purest thing I've said to her in quite some time.

Cosima takes a sharp breath in and her eyes are flames blazing hotly as she steps closer and wraps my waist with her arms. "You could've just ask me out you know…"

I nod and laugh at the simple way she puts it, but she would. It was me who created this awkward situation. Had it been Cosima she would have just come out and say it. She was always the bravest of us, her world is not filled with gray areas like mine. This is one of the things that has fascinated me since a young age, Cosima's ability to see the simplest path for a better solution, she never complicates things; not like myself who sees obstacles at every turn. Cosima has always been quick about making her mind and even faster in showing it.

As if to prove my point, she wastes no time in pulling at my waist and go to the tip of her toes, but it's me who has to make the final approach and this time I don't hesitate. With my hand still surrounding her cheeks, I bring our lips together, marveled in an instant by the way she responds. No longer frozen, Cosima's lips wrap mine slowly as our mouths fit together perfectly. The lips I've spent hours admiring are as skilled as I predicted, involving mine fully. It's a kiss that seeks to explore, as everything in her life, Cosima kisses like she's searching for something more, willing to break barriers. It doesn't take long before I feel her tongue insinuating itself over my lips and I immediately move my mouth to grant her what I think she wants, but she's merely teasing and instead I feel her teeth sinking softly on my lower lip and tug at it.

It's all it takes for me to lose what little restraint I had left. I push her against the door and press my body to hers, my hands gripping harder at her neck. Cosima's groan barely has time to be heard before I cover her mouth with my own for a hungry kiss, where she only meant to tease, I invade. My tongue pushes inside, but it's quickly joined by hers, causing my body to press even more against Cosima. She doesn't seem to mind in the least my aggressive approach, her arms are on the move and one hand goes to the base of my neck, pulling at me, while the other is tentatively moving lower, encouraging me to keep pressing her.

The flash comes through the windows a split second before I actually hear the loud, dry noise, close to a thunder but not quite like it. With a gasp I step back and stare at her. Cosima doesn't look nearly as startled as I am, she does, however, seem a little disheveled. Still leaning against the front door, her face flushed and with her glasses completely crooked on her nose, her big, brown eyes ablaze and lips already a bit swollen from my avid kiss, but with an enormous grin.

"Look at that," she says with a carefree voice, "fireworks just for us!"

"It's for the New Year," I say flatly, but the chuckles I can't contain give me away.

"Nope, definitely for us," Cosima declares with certainty, before she also cracks and starts to laugh.

For a moment we don't say anything and while I don't know what Cosima's thinking, I'm busy just staring at her, seeing how the flashes of the fireworks reflect on her features, illuminating her face with each blast and thinking to myself that this vision is a thousand times better than the show on the sky. Then suddenly I remember the camera still on top of the table and reach for it.

"I think we can take that picture now," I comment, taking the camera in my hands and starting to walk inside the house, where we can get a better light.

I feel Cosima right behind me, but she doesn't limit herself to follow my steps, but rather maneuvers her arms around me, releasing me of the camera with a little jerk and when I turn around I see her leaving the device carelessly on top of the couch and turn back to me. Reaching for the bottom of my shirt she pulls me close, an impish smile that grows with every flash of light that allows me to see it clearer.

"I think we should have a new tradition," she hints in an alluring tone.

I smirk, raise my hand to softly glide the tip of my finger along her collarbone and notice her swallow a lump in her throat. "Like… See the fireworks?" I ask in a low voice.

She squints, perhaps trying her best to figure out a side of me that I've never allowed her to be privy to. "Yeah… Hopefully," Cosima plays along.

Lowering my head until our lips are scarcely touching, with my eyes steady on hers, I decide that Cosima has had the lead in our relationship long enough. "It's not a matter of if, ma chère, it's a matter of when."

Cosima takes the bait. Her hands fly to bury in my hair, her mouth attaches to mine, gone is her intention to tease me and she kisses me hurriedly, seeking my lips as if air to survive. I respond with equal fervor, her glasses biting on my face are not dissuasive enough to make me stop, while my arms move to her lower back and pull her up, crashing our bodies together, my hands open and I squeeze her tightly, feeling the rough fabric of the damn small dress she'd put on earlier and that is now in the way of much smoother terrain.

"Jesus, Delphine…" She whimpers when she unlocks our lips to take a sharp pull of air.

I'm on my way to attack her neck, but force myself to stop and look at her, remembering I should probably take it a little easier on her. "Too much, too fast?" I ask with a raspy voice, catching my breathe.

She shakes her head lively and pulls me for a too quick kiss. "I'm just… holy fuck!" Cosima eloquently proclaims.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for this?" I know that my voice is coming a bit demanding, but she doesn't seem to be put off by it.

"I _am_ pretty irresistible," Cosima has regained some of her audacity.

I concede, nodding. "You are also pretty conceited," I banter, one hand reaching for her glasses, removing and throwing them to the couch where they land next to the camera, when I look back at her I place a much softer kiss on the corner of her mouth. "Come to my bedroom?" I ask sheepishly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, next chapter... you guessed it *wink, wink


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised here is the final part of the story. Hope you like it.

Cosima doesn't answer, but moves her hand to her back and takes mine, giving a few steps backwards that I follow, looking me in the eyes before she turns around when we get to the stairs. She climbs each step slowly and as much as I want to tell her she really ought to get moving, I refrain myself of doing so. Cosima seems to be at peace with this, with _us_ , but behind that cool exterior of hers, something else could be lurking in the shadows of her mind. My eyes move from her back to our hands with the fingers loosely linked and I tighten my hold just barely. She spins her head and smiles at me before looking ahead again, but pulling at my hand until my arm is around her waist, my hand in contact with her belly and my front against Cosima's back. With her dreads pinned up, I have her bare neck at my disposal and make quick work to take advantage of it, but gently, only brushing my lips on the soft skin of the back of her neck and slowly moving to the top of Cosima's shoulder.

When we reach the top of the stairs, Cosima turns around in my arms, her fingertips coming up to trace my jawline in a smooth touch and my mouth moves to hers. The doubts that have assaulted me just moments ago forgotten by the tender gesture. I embrace her, feeling her small frame easily melt into mine and guide her to my bedroom with eyes closed and lips moving against each other, not urgently like before, but slowly, exploring every corner of its shape.

My bed creaks under Cosima's weight when I gently nudge her until the back of her knees hit the mattress and she has nowhere else to go but down. Cosima's hands on my face pull me close, taking for granted that I'm willing to follow her, but I've waited too long for this to allow her to take the lead. So I move back, leaving her with a surprised look, half laid on the bed, her elbows supporting her upper body and the right knee bended, with her foot on top of the bed, the house slippers she's using causing a weird conflict with the fancy attire Cosima has on. But even so, she never looked so beautiful in my eyes and I take my time to stare at her, vowing to myself to remember this image as long as I can.

"We still have that camera downstairs," Cosima says, as if she's been reading my mind. "Why don't you take a picture, it will last…"

She stops to take a ragged breath when my hands go to the hem of my sweater and I tug it over my head.

"You look good, I won't deny it," I tell her while my hand reaches for her raised leg and grips it firmly just above her knee. "But I have more pressing issues at hand other than take a picture."

She grins and raises one brow. "Like what?" Cosima asks playfully.

I lean forward, placing a knee on the bed for balance and Cosima moves her legs to make room for me. "If you don't know yet, I think you'll find out soon enough," I whisper against her lips when our faces are only inches apart.

Her eyes open wider, seemingly unable to remain still, either moving between my eyes and lips, only to look down and watch as my chest gets closer to her. When I'm steady on the bed, my hands go to the outside of her thighs and smooth their way upwards, causing her to let out a small groan and I feel her body coming to life under my touch. She licks her lips as the skirt of her dress inches up with the movement of my hands and I observe her carefully, reading her expression to be sure she's still comfortable. Cosima's hips start to buck and I stop looking for signs that something might be wrong and start to look for ways to provoke that kind of reaction.

My hands move all the way up until the skirt of her dress is completely hiked, crumpled around her waist and I grip the sides of her thighs harder, pulling her to me in a pace that's a little rougher than what I've set so far. And I feel her on my naked abdomen, warm and wet sliding against me and if I had any doubts that this is the right thing to do, they're gone, to never be revisited again. That moment I kiss her, my mouth goes to hers, eager to make her understand how much I want her. Cosima's moans escape between our lips, her breath in fast, unsteady pulls of air, she lets her head fall to the decorative pillows I have on the bed and her hands grasp my waist, but not remaining still. Cosima seems undecided about what to do with them, as she tugs at my hips, seeking full contact, but right after moving to my lower back and slide down, fondling my jean covered ass. I'm busy spreading kisses on her neck, my teeth coming into play on occasion and my tongue gently licking away a harsher bite, drunk on the small noises that she makes, when I feel her nails scratching their way to my stomach and fight with my belt, eventually being able to go for the button and zipper of my jeans. Finally with room to maneuver, Cosima's hands slide inside my pants and move back, slotting themselves under my buttocks and openely gropes me, the cold metal of her rings a confusing contrast with her warm flesh.

"Merde," I gasp, my head snaps up to find her now much darker eyes on me and a dopey grin on her lips.

"Did you think I would just let you have your way with me?" She asks with a cocky expression.

I quickly pull back, her shorter arms unable to reach forward and I don't allow her to sit up, getting a firm hold of her wrists and pin them to the sides of her head.

Narrowing my eyes at her, I tease to kiss her, but our lips only brush. "I don't think you have any other choice, ma chèrie," I answer her, moving my mouth to her ear and finishing my statement with a little nibble at the tip of it.

Her hips roll upwards again, this time the contact a little harder as I meet her halfway, pushing down against her and she cries out. I give a self-satisfied chuckle, which grows when she returns me an ugly look, her face painted crimson. Releasing her arms, I carefully take off the several bracelets and rings, Cosima watches as I work them out and place them on the nightstand and I decided it's time for her to lose the tight dress, because as great as she looks on it, she'll definitely look much better without it.

The moment my hands go to the bottom of her dress, wrinkled at her waist, Cosima raises her hips to help and I smile to myself, the notion that she's as desperate for this as I am enters my mind. I shake my head, squinting at her when I see that she has no bra, Cosima only lets out a nervous chuckle.

"Didn't you forget something?" I ask, amused.

Cosima doesn't answer, she's too busy biting her lip to keep from moaning as I move my hand to caress her breast, my fingertips tracing its outer shape slowly, before I cover it with my hand, the little nub rising beneath the warmth of my palm. I feel her legs coming up and wrap my waist, her thighs pulling me down and I let my body succumb to her pressure, my hips starting to find Cosima's rhythm and pushing against her, noticing that she keeps moving more enthusiastically to meet me. My lips moves to cover hers and my tongue circles inside her mouth at the same pace my thumb is working on her sensitive nipple and I have to swallow her whimpers, while I'm fighting against my own. But Cosima's growing bolder, I can feel it in the way her body is moving hopelessly to my encounter and the hand she's sliding along my back to reach the clasp of my bra that she's becoming more aware of what's happening.

That doesn't mean she's able to release my bra quickly and I have to pull away and do it myself. But even then Cosima's brazen enough to take advantage of the situation, taking that opportunity to sit up and after observing me remove the fabric, stretches both her arms and places her hands on the freshly discovered skin, not shy about feeling them thoroughly with a fascinated look in her eyes and a sly grin on her lips, which she moves to my cleavage and ravages it with open mouth kisses that in no time turn into small bites as she explores my breasts. And it's my turn to lose control of my actions, my hands cradle her head and I guide her to one of my nipples, which she takes between her lips with no second thoughts and I feel her tongue circling one with long and wet strokes before she moves to the other and this time it's her teeth that she uses to provoke me into expel a loud moan.

It's when I feel her chuckle that I think she's had enough for the time being and push her away with a not so gently nudge. Cosima doesn't seem to mind, as she lays back on the pillows she still has a large smile and her hands travel from my breasts to my waist, touching everything on their path until she pulls at me while she bucks her hips with an obvious purpose, succeeding in making me rock against her and she continues to grin, not as large as before but I can tell she's enjoying discovering this part of me. The smile fades to give way to a groan when my right hand slides along her torso, starting with my thumb moving gently over the length of her throat and south, caressing the valley between her breasts and the smooth plane of her taut stomach while her back arches to go to the encounter of my touch, her hips rotating against me.

My fingertips pass the barrier of the elastic of her baby blue undies and my gaze leaves the ever moving body to find her staring at me, eyes fluttering shut and mouth slightly open, taking in heavy breaths. Noticing my pausing Cosima bucks her hips in a quick move and I feel her, much wetter than I'd anticipated, my fingers easily slide past her swollen sex.

"Ohhh fuck!" She hisses sharply, her hips move against my fingers with a ravenous speed.

But I pull back, Cosima's too sensitive and if I continue allowing her to move this way it won't take too long for her to unravel. I ignore the pleading look she gives me when I retrieve my hand and move my body from her. Either way, that look doesn't last long when she realizes, as I hook my thumbs on the top of her panties, that I don't intend to keep away from her. Slowly I slide them down her legs and she shifts her body to haste my action.

"So… did they bring you good luck?" I playfully ask, with the fabric loosely around the fingers of my right hand.

Cosima lunges forward and wraps her arms around my neck, her lips attack mine with a desperate hunger and, as much as I want to keep a slower pace, her desire is affecting me in a much deeper level than I'm used to. I hug her, pulling her to me with my arms firmly around her lower back, making our bodies come into full contact and the prove of her desire is taunting me to just give in to the strength of my yearning. Which doesn't improve when I feel her hands move lower and take a steady grip on the hem of my jeans, first to pull me closer to her and then she decides that they're just in the way and starts to push them down, but our positions prevents her from succeeding. With my hands going to her shoulders I coax her to lay down and she only does so when my own body follows her, however I have to move back and Cosima whimpers at the the lost of contact. I release a soft laugh and with my eyes steady on her I reach my pants and as gracefully as I can manage, I slide them down along with my own panties, because, quite frankly, I'm starting to feel incredibly uncomfortable.

She observes me with voracious eyes, but waits until I'm fully bare before her to lose her cool and springs forward to palm my breasts with greedy hands, a groan is muffled by the skin of my neck where her mouth is latched. It's pure instinct that guides my hand to immediately cover her heat, dripping wet and ready to receive my soft touch and I feel her teeth sinking in my flesh, her hips jerk, seeking more friction. However, as eager as Cosima is, I'm determined to maintain a easier rhythm and our roles are reversed; while she's pushing for more, I mean to take her slowly.

This is all very nice… in theory. But her hands are demanding on my breasts and _fuck_ , Cosima's a fast learner, it doesn't take long for her to realize what makes me tick. Briefly I wonder if that's because of how long we've known each other, if, somehow, the many many hours we've spent together connected us in a deeper level. The way she keeps rocking her hips against my fingers, toying with my nipple just the right way, pinching it just enough not to cross the line between pleasure and pain, has me growling in desperation. And in no time I'm the one who pushes us forward, my fingers sliding along her heated sex with a much fuller contact, feeling her arousal wrap around my fingers as my hips move to the small body pressed against mine.

Meanwhile Cosima's thighs clutch around me, anchoring herself and allowing her to even then gain some control, pulling herself towards me, she sets the pace that under her guidance keeps increasing and I can no longer keep my digits from not so gently rub her swollen nub. When a firmer brush makes contact with her clit, Cosima can't contain a loud cry, her hands leaving my breasts to pull my head and forces our lips to crash, her tongue gives a hard lap over the roof of my mouth and I take the opportunity to lick under the strong muscle. She starts to tremble in my arm, teetering on the edge and to keep her in this world a little longer I slide one of my fingers inside her, being received with tight walls, clasping around it, hot and wet. Her lips leave mine and Cosima gives an elongated moan, falling backwards on the cloud of pillows, finally giving in under my touch.

I watch her, eyes shut and mouth struggling to bring enough air to her lungs, but smirk when I notice that her hips continue to circle against my hand and her feet raise to my backside pulling me to her, but at the same time opening herself more for my probing fingers. I lean to her, our upper bodies sliding against each other and brush our lips just barely before the tip of my tongue pulls her lower lip between my teeth.

"I'll make you see the stars," I whisper into her mouth, sliding in a second finger and giving a steady stroke.

As Cosima perceives the meaning of my words I see a little smirk between her moans and with her right hand balling my hair and the other gently tugging the looser curls behind my ear, she pulls me to her lips for a more lustful kiss, her tongue curls around my own and rakes its length. She says nothing, but in that small gesture Cosima manages to tell me that she understands the weight of my statement. Her body narrates the same story, as Cosima grounds her hips further into my fingers with renewed energy, she balances her waist and I know that if my promise doesn't come to fruition it's not for lack of enthusiasm on her part. I match her movement, stroke for stroke, my fingers becoming faster and sliding deeper inside her, feeling her muscles pulsating against my digits, the wetness growing quickly and she releases my mouth with one last suck at my tongue.

Cosima tilts her head back and groans loudly, but even so I feel her hips bucking up with every plunge of my fingers and her hands gripping harder at my hair, looking for a way to keep me closer to her. I let my head fall, my lips showering her neck with kisses while my strokes start to lose her rhythm because Cosima's now thrashing widely against me.

"Ohh damn, Delphine!" She whines between harsh pulls of air. "Fuck... do it..."

Probably not even Cosima knows what she's asking for, but the moment she releases her grip on my hair to fist the duvet, I move lower. Sliding down her body, spreading kisses on her upper torso and my left hand moves to her breast, rolling her perky nub between my fingers as my tongue goes to the other side, lapping roughly and bring it to my mouth.

When I give a steadier press on her clit, Cosima cries out, "Ohhhhmygodfuck!"

But her body continues to move with rigid jerks towards mine, my fingers buried in her depths feeling her pull and I allow myself to be a little rougher, wanting to extract every bit of pleasure from her as possible. With a solid dive of my fingers, I curl them and glide her front wall, my thumb assertive on her collection of nerves. Cosima's back arches and she can't seem to keep her hands away any longer, compelled to enclose me in her arms, she brings her hands to my back, her nails trailing fire along it until they set hard on my lower back as she rides my fingers with fervor. My own hips rolling forward and as I feel her tensing around my body, through tightly clenched jaws Cosima releases a low growl. A sympathetic small orgasm crosses my body when I sense her peak and I muffle my groan on the curve of her neck, the hand leaves her breast and presses firmly in the bed to keep me from dropping against her with the full weight of my body.

I feel her relax, the grasp on my back loosens and pull my fingers slowly, hearing Cosima expel little sigh, her breathing gradually getting back to normal and I adjust my body on top of hers, but my face remains hidden on her neck, where I continue to fight to stabilize my own breath, Cosima's familiar scent making its way into my lungs and, for whatever reason, calming me.

After a few minutes like this I start to feel her chuckles bubbling up her chest and I raise my eyes to her, noticing she has her stare fixated on the ceiling, but Cosima answers my unspoken question anyway. "Man, if I knew it was like this, I wouldn't have waited for you to put your moves on me," she says, amused.

I go to my elbows and look her in the eyes. "What do you mean? Waited for me to…" I stumble on my words.

"Well… yeah," she nods, her hands moving to my cheeks and keeping my hair from falling over my eyes. "After you told me, I was like _oh man_!" Cosima says emphatically.

"Why didn't you say something?"

She shrugs. "I don't know…" she trails off momentarily. "I guess I was scared that you would…"

I cut her off with a kiss that she lazily returns. " _I_ was scared!" I admit when we pull back. "That's why I've said it the way I did… I thought that if you felt the same way, you'd say something!"

She gives me an incredulous look. "Why would I say something? You were the one who had your head figured out…"

I shake my head, letting my body fall next to hers and laugh, is the only thing I can do when I realize that we've wasted all this time because neither of us had the courage to come forward with honest words; Cosima decided to keep it to herself and I had go and create a bigger mess.

"I really believe we are idiots," I say softly with my head turned to her on one of the pillows.

"We are," Cosima agrees nodding, "complete fools."

She laughs, turns to the side and closes the space between our heads, placing a light kiss on my lips. But as always, Cosima searches for more and her hands are now free to roam as she pleases, her fingertips gently moving down the column of my neck and starting to tease my upper chest, until she grabs one of my breasts in her hands and gives it a playful squeeze. Her eyes are filled with mirth, but all she's doing is reminding me of the ache that remains between my legs and I surge forward to capture her lips. However, Cosima's faster than me and successfully maintains our lips apart with a knowing smile that has me biting my lower lip so not to look more vigorously for the kiss she's denying me. The arm under her body comes up to tenderly play with my loose curls, but Cosima's other hand is guilty of pursuing the teasing, moving lower on my torso, smoothing its way along the side of my hips, while her stare is on me, observing closely for my reaction. Which I'm sure becomes quite obvious when she decides to carry on her gentle torture over my lower abdomen.

"Cosima…" I breath out, my voice on the verge of exasperation.

She smirks, but suddenly something else seems to flash before her eyes and she sits up. "Do you think your mother has returned?" Cosima asks looking at the door.

"I… I don't know," I answer, raising my head and my eyes go to the open door as well and I swallow dryly. "But… if she did she would've…"

"What?" Cosima begins to whisper, although is obviously rather late for that. "Come and tell us to keep it down?"

"Oh merde!" I bring my hand to my forehead and watch as Cosima gets up and fishes her underwear from the floor. "What are you doing?" I whisper back.

"I'll be right back," she says, pulling the panties to her waist and leaving the bedroom like that.

"Ma maman va me massacrer…" I mutter, my gaze locked on the still open door, as if my mother's gonna come barging in with the biggest kitchen knife she can find.

And it's not like she would actually kill me or even be _extremely_ upset, but I'm sure she would rather not see… _oh damn_ , I can't even bring myself to think it. Nevermind that, I would do it myself before I have to face my mother if… I know I'm starting to panic and the longer Cosima takes in getting back to the bedroom the worse it gets. The sound of footsteps get closer to my bedroom and my eyes open wide only to breath out when it's Cosima with a tentative smile that I see crossing the door.

"So?" I ask with urgency.

She bites her lower lips and I can see that not everything is okay. "Are your Christmas lights on a timer?"

"Non…" I answer in fear.

"You should really do that, cause they're just flashing like crazy," Cosima says with a stupid grin while she closes the door behind her. When she sees that I can't find the humour on it, Cosima shakes her head. "Relax, she's not in her bedroom and everything is as we left it."

I roll my eyes and sigh in relief, finally calm enough to notice Cosima is no longer with just her underwear; the glasses are back on her face and she's carrying the camera with her as she gets closer to the bed.

"What would have you done if you'd found my mother with nothing but that?" I inquire with my eyes steady on her panties, able to joke now that I know the coast is clear.

"We've had many sleepovers before," Cosima shrugs it off, kneeling in front of me on the bed. "None quite as nice as this one though," she finishes with her lips brushing mine. "Alright! Let's take the photo!" She announces as she pulls back.

"I thought you wanted a new tradition," I comment, watching her move to my back and putting the battered device on my hands.

"Who says we can't have both?" She says against my ear, her arms wrapping my shoulders to take her usual position.

I chuckle and raise the camera, being conscious about our state of nakedness and struggle to put on a reasonable smile. "Are you ready?" I ask.

I feel her nodding and move my finger to the button. I press it.

"I love you."

Cosima's words are just in time for the flash and I'm still staring at her with a surprised expression as the photograph develops.

As it turns out, I wasn't really able to keep completely hidden the fact that we were both utterly naked, anyone who bothers to pay close attention can see that our shoulders are fully exposed, but the rest they just have to guess. Or would have to, if Cosima wasn't so incredibly fast in telling the few people we've showed the picture to that that was the night I took advantage of her. The place on the wall remained bare, but only because I managed to convince Cosima to leave it so. It's five years later and she continues to claim it's just because she wants to wake up every morning to my shocked expression as she whispered in my ear, for the first time, words that she repeats every day since.


End file.
